Passport

So, to leave the country, the first thing you need is money.  The second is a passport.

I had a passport.  It expired, went the way of the dodo and got itself lost during the many thousands of miles of moves we have done.  Today, I went to get a new passport.

Getting a passport in the U.S. is actually a fairly simple process.  You need one official form of ID, say a Birth Certificate, one piece of photo ID, the application and passport photos, available at most convenience stores.

I was prepared.  I had filled out the application online.  It was printed and everything with a little red star was completed and accurate.  I had a brand new, sparkly Birth Certificate (the previous is no doubt hanging out with the former passport), a driver's license and a couple of Walgreens mugshots.

I head to the Canyon County Courthouse to submit the form and pay my fee.  I had done my due diligence and according to the form in my hand, Visa/Mastercard were acceptable forms of payment.  Nice, big letters right on the front of the application.

I get through security and manage not to startle the 1000 year old man working the scanner to death.  Head up to the second floor and check the directory:  Passport Office.  Passport Office.  No Passport Office listed.  Going against every fiber of my being, I break down as ask for directions from the County Clerk.  Room 246, gotcha, thank you very much. 

I stroll into Room 246 and confidently slap down my application right next to the sign that says Credit Cards are not accepted.  Well, ain't that just peachy.  "OK ladies, where is the closest ATM since you haven't joined the 20th Century?"  "Oh, there's an ATM downstairs but for Passport Applications you need a cashier's check or money order."  Just for clarification, I was less than pleased.  No where on the Federal Website was this happy horse shit dictated.  Apparently, people from Canyon County travel so little that there is no need to make this process in any way intelligent or easily managed. 

So great.  I run to the bank, shell out five bucks for the priviledge of getting my own money, and head back to the Courthouse.  We start going through the application and all the empty slots in the application, filled out on the Federal Website, now need to be filled out by hand because "they don't like it when there are empty bubbles."  Well, if they didn't like it, I would assume that it would be mandatory to fill them out ON THE FEDERAL PASSPORT APPLICATION WEBSITE!!!!!

During this time, the gentleman behind me is telling me not to go to Mexico.  "Why?" I  asked.  Because apparently everyone gets kidnapped.  He's been kidnapped twice.  "Where are you headed to, then?" I ask.  "Mexico," he replies.  Well, a big Whiskey Tango Foxtrot to that, my good sir.

Finally I get sworn in as myself, sign and get the hell out of dodge.  This is the third time that I have had official dealings at The Canyon County Courthouse, and this has been the best of the three experiences.  All in all, I won't miss them and they definitely won't miss me.

In 4-6 weeks, I will have my passport and it will all have been worth it.

Stupid Courthouse.